I think that the whole point of life is God’s glorification, everything that we live through, everything that we are is for the glory of His name. There are things that break my heart right now, things that I am going through, but my heart is lifted when I understand that God’s name will be glorified in my situation, in whatever I’m going through and that’s true for all of us.
Before I allowed Jesus to be my Lord and my Saviour, I was, as any sheep would be without their Shepherd, lost. I happened to stumble on a bit of internet porn at the age of eight. And what started out as curiosity, turned into a violent addiction, something deeply rooted within my soul. It became a constant, endless source of guilt, and the thing is, I’d take it to church with me every Sunday morning, promising myself that I would stop eventually.
But promises are not strong enough to save a human soul.
It continued on for a couple of years before I eventually just broke down, depression set in, I felt ugly and thoroughly not beautiful all the time, I allowed people to talk down to me because I had started to believe what the enemy had said. That I was unworthy of love, that I had taken God’s love and mercy for granted too many times, and that I could never be saved. That I was finished, that I would die in my sin and my loneliness.
But sometime late in August 2008, I began to feel an unnatural tug at my heart. God was calling me (although I didn’t know it). By this point though, I was so depressed and I felt so alone all the time. I could be in a room full of people who I called friends and I was still so alone.
But I woke up, I think on the 1st of September 2008, and I decided to listen to some music on the internet. I don’t even know I found this song, I don’t remember what exactly I was thinking at the time but I started listening to a song by Meredith Andrews called “You’re Not Alone”.
And when I heard the lyrics: “You’re not alone/For I am here/Let Me wipe away your every fear/My love I’ve never left your side/I have seen you through the darkest night/And I’m the One who’s loved you all your life/All of your life”.
Something broke within me, and I started weeping, I asked Jesus to come and take me, that I couldn’t deal with who I was anymore, I asked Him to change me one day at a time and that’s exactly what He did.
For two years, I’ve been walking with Immanuel, and I’ve never had to regret it for a second. He changed me, He broke my chains ‘cause that’s what sin does, it paralyses you, it exposes you to the lies and the snares of the enemy, it separates you from the love of your Father. Pornography grieves God, I believe He hates it, way more than me.
And He wants to free us, from everything that is holding us back from Him, from everything that is holding us back from living as He’s created us to. It might not be pornography for you, it might something else, but as long as that sin keeps you from your God, you are vulnerable, to the enemy, to insecurity, to fear, to hopelessness.
If you’re struggling with pornography, or with any kind of sin, I just encourage you to go to God. Go to Him with everything, with all of your junk, with all of your mess, just go to Him. He’s so well equipped to handle this, to handle You, He’s so strong but He’s so gentle with us. Just Go to Him.
The same God that saved me, is more than capable of saving you.